Debbie Downer

Ok, I need to get into gear and get to this blog at least twice a week. I have a huge block of time right now so I thought I'd write a little something.

So in my Creative Process class today my teacher talked about self-image. And I'm not one of those people who obsess about what I eat or workout and I never want to become one. But I realized that I am pursuing a career where I am constantly going to be critiqued and judged and criticized about the way I look regardless of my talent. No wonder why so many actresses turn to drugs and crash diets to stay skinny, tabloids and most people, in general, are SO rude. They even chastise people who are obviously at a healthy weight and still say they're fat. Its like self-image has just turned into "how much do you weigh?" I think that there are more important things than weight that contribute to my self-image. Like I feel that my eyes are incredibly unique because they're almond shaped and hazel and my teeth are nice because I had braces. I don't know, it seems like everyone is so hung up on they're weight when there is so much more that makes up a person's image.

I feel like this blog is just going to be about everything that is bugging me at the present time. Oh well. Why are people so rude? Did the whole world just forget how to be humans? There are just some things you don't do, or things you are supposed to do. You don't make side comments after everything, especially when people are obviously not laughing at them. I'm just so sick of people voicing random comments that are rude or negative that they think are funny. It is so hard to focus when I hear a bird chirping in my ear after every sentence someone says. And another rude thing, I don't get how people can drop friends like they're yesterday's garbage. Like I know I haven't been friends with these people I met over first semester but I mean come on. I feel as though I was there for some people to talk to and thought we were close and then all of a sudden I don't exist? That is probably the most hurtful thing that anyone can do to me. I apparently wasted so much time being a good friend to some people.

I am just so sick of wasting things. Wasting time, money, energy, compassion, trust, etc. I feel like all I've been doing is wasting everything and the semester just started. And it is totally bringing me down. I can't focus. I'm so worried all the time. Something needs to change. I have too much going on right now to be so distracted. I need to GET IT TOGETHER PEOPLE. But I might need a little help from my friends. My real friends lol. Ah, so this super depressing blog has got to come to an end somewhere, hopefully I'll remember to keep up with this and my next posts will be positive. Peace out girl scout.

Oops...

So I know myself better than I thought I did. I knew I wouldn't get to this blog everyday. I really wish I did. Maybe i'll add it to my list of New Year's resolutions.

Anyway, my life as of now described in one word: RELAXING.
I've spent more time in my room reading or watching Law and Order SVU than hanging out with friends. Everyone seems to just want to party their break away. This sounds bad coming from a college student, but I'm just over partying...or maybe I'm just over it with people who go overboard. I really like sitting at home and reading, and just hanging out with people I actually care about. I don't feel the need to go to a party and drink with people I don't even like and be ridiculously fake. It takes too much energy to act like you like someone and it's unfair to both people. Oh and the girls here just try to hard. Try too hard to look good, try too hard to get laid, try too hard to make their lives seem more fabulous than everyone else's. I'm just over it. I can't wait to go back to Chicago and hangout with actual REAL people. Although, I wish my fab five girls could come back with me to school. They are the few girls in this world who don't annoy me, that sounds bad, but it's true :P I love them with all my heart, they made my senior year and summer the most fun I've ever had and ultimately, they just understand me. They're the only reason I don't want to go back to school.


Ok, so here's how this semester's gonna go: I'm not going to let anyone influence me. If ANY of my fellow students try to tell me what I should be learning and what I should be doing with my life, I'm just going to walk away. I don't need that negativity and egotism. And I'm done hearing people complain and whine. It just puts me in a bad mood and I hate feeling like that. I'm also done with rude people. I don't think I've ever experienced the amount of rudeness that I experienced this semester. If people don't treat me the way I treat them, then they aren't people that deserve to be my friend. I'm living by "fuck me once, shame on you. Fuck me twice, shame on me." Basically, I'm not taking anyone's shit this semester haha. I am a very good listener and will still be there to listen to the people I care about. But I will not allow people to walk all over me or drag me into their drama. I just want to have the best college experience I can and if people get in the way of that then I'm droppin 'em like a hot potato.

I'm so unbelievably excited to go back to Chicago. I can't even put it into words. I mean, seriously, who wouldn't wanna go back to that?!


Well that's all for now. Later gators.