All Grown Up

So I have some time before class so I thought I'd write a little diddy in here. This weekend was incredibly exciting and terrifying all at the same time. I accomplished a bunch of firsts. First time being in St. Louis MO, first time taking the amtrak train, first time calling a car service to pick me up, first time checking into a hotel, first time checking out of a hotel, first time printing my boarding pass, first time getting through airport security, first time flying in a plane and granted, this was all by myself. I have never done any of those things completely alone with no parent supervision. I have always either had someone do it for me or I'd be with someone. It was eye opening to know how much I can actually do by myself. I felt extremely organized too (I NEVER feel like that). I had everything printed out ahead of time and I timed it so I wouldn't be waiting around for a car and I kept everything in a nice folder and it was just refreshing to not be rushing. Except I almost missed my amtrak train, but that was the only bump in my weekend. I went out there for Midwest auditions (for summer musical jobs) and I ended up getting 6 callbacks to 6 different theatres. I thought that was pretty fantastic for it being my first time auditioning and for only being a freshman. I really want to work this summer and I wanted to do well, and I did. I guess positive thinking does work. The scary part of the weekend was taking cars/taxis to everywhere I went. It's just kind of frightening to know that you're putting all of your trust into this random (and sometimes super creepy) driver. So basically, I'm putting my life into a stranger's hands. I always just have mini panic attacks when I get into those kind of situations silently praying, "please just take me to where I need to go instead of driving to a deserted alley or something." I think watching scary movies and law and order SVU does not help my paranoia. Other than that, it was a kickass weekend. I am hopeful that I'll get some job offers and I'll be able to do what I love all summer long and get paiddddd. I am just crazy proud of myself and I thought I'd let the whole blogger.com network know. Even though we all know that Derek Herman is the only one that actually reads my blog :P Well, lata alligatas.

Valentine Shmalentine.

So, it was Valentine's Day, and surprisingly, my day did not turn out that bad. Although I did not share it with that one special person, I shared it with a bunch of special people. I performed with my class as a whole for the last time today in our showcase. I received flowers, candy, and other various things from my parents. I got valentine's from friends. And I saw closing night of the touring cast of August: Osage County in Chicago and it was PHENOMENAL. I've never been so excited to see a show and I've never had my mind blown like that. It was just all around fantastic, it was crazy. I can't even describe how I was feeling at the beginning, middle, and end because the play just evoked so many different emotions and there were huge bombs dropped that I wasn't expecting. Just, wow. And then I came back to the dorm and watched my favorite movie: Superstar while eating my favorite snack: nutella and pretzels with milk. To sum it up, it was a pretty fab day. I found myself saying, "I hate Valentine's Day," and I realized that it's not true. I think the only reason people say that is because we're all jealous of couples out celebrating their togetherness when we're sitting here, chocolate-less and alone. I hope soon to find that special someone that I can plan a whole romantic day with. I mean, people call it a Hallmark holiday, but seriously, who doesn't like getting gifts? If they were gettin something I don't think they'd be complaining. Oh well, maybe next year. I have enough chocolate/candy right now to feed a third world country so I'm going to quit whining about it. I'm so full. Too full to type anymore haha. But PS, Go me, I've kept up with my blog all week :) Anyway, I'm gonna make like a tree and...branch? I don't get that saying, bye.

So grateful.

I can't even describe how grateful I am to be blessed with such an amazing roommate my first year of college. I heard horror stories before I came to school from people I know who absolutely abhorred their roommates. And even after first semester, people in my own class switched to be rid of their current roommate. I understand that some people just don't click. But I am ecstatic that Steph and I are making it work and setting an example of the "perfect roommate relationship" as my bff Ryan would say. I think that we're so successful because we didn't try to push our friendship right away. We didn't assume that we were going to be bestfriends. We just let the magic happen and now we're closer than ever. We eased into talking and joking with each other and not trying to materialize something out of nothing. We don't argue, we're both extremely sarcastic so we just get each other's sense of humor. I think it also helps that we didn't have EVERY class together like some roommates. We could go through our own day and then come back to the room and fill each other in. We both like our quiet times where we just sit in the room and do homework or catch up on our shows. Our room is far from the party room, we don't constantly have people milling about so that's great too. I remember in the beginning she was so quiet and I realize now that it was just something she was going through and I'm so glad that she got passed that and now she's just sassy and fierce and she has turned into someone I can talk to. Literally all of my friends back home had roommates they don't like. They talked about what bugged them and how they want someone else. And I love how I just sat back and had nothing to say. I'm incredibly lucky. So luck that we're even thinking of rooming together again next year, and I KNOW that that's rare. That was just something on my mind today because last night I could NOT find my dorm ID anywhere, we like tore the room apart and this morning she found it for me. I'm so glad my roommate experience is a success story and not a nightmare. Props to resident housing for pairing us up. Now we have to clean this disaster of a room. Ta ta.

You're a joke.

So I'm staying up late tonight to watch all of my shows that I've missed from Monday and today. And I want to tell American Idol it's a joke. I'm sitting here catching up on the auditions and Hollywood week episodes. I'm so sick of seeing people who are obviously terrible going through to see the judges just to get a laugh. There's a pre-screening before you go see the judges, I know this because a girl from my school got on, so why let people who blatantly suck go in? Why waste their time, the judge's time, FOX's time, and the tv viewers time? Personally, I don't want to see shitty people. I'm watching the show to see who could be the next American Idol not people who could be on America's Funniest Home Videos. And I feel so bad for all of the people who actually have talent who aren't showcased on the show until they get down to the top 20. You go, "who the fuck is that? I haven't seen them at all this season and they're fierce as hell!" At least, that's what I always find myself saying. I'm just so done with seeing/hearing people who can't sing. Like these people in auditions who say that their whole town is behind them, or half their school comes to support them, or their families are their number 1 fans and they are just absolutely horrendous (as Simon might say). Someone needs to stop lying to these kids, it's just rude to have your son/daughter devote their lives to something they will never succeed at. Parents should try to point them in other directions. I'm all for trying things out, but if you don't got it...you don't got it. That's just how it is with singing. You have to start with a natural ability and I just think some of these kids/adults are either tone deaf or extremely deluded. Can they hear themselves? Some of them are obviously a joke, but there are some who are convinced they are the next american idol and it's just pathetic. There are some awesome people on American Idol though and that show is a great spring board for some people's careers so that's cool. People who are talented deserve to have that talent seen.

So I'm extremely excited to work on this research paper for English now that I actually have a topic. We had to come up with a personal theory that we believe in, and I found mine: Facebook is the new way of stalking (or somewhere along those lines). It's so true. Think of how many people you add on facebook that you don't actually know...that might not even be a picture of them and they could lie about their age or sex and constantly watch your status changes until you state exactly where you're going and they can find you. How creepy is that? I'm going to delve into cases where it's led to that or even just harassment. Facebook is definitely a tool that made stalking incredibly easy. No matter how many privacy settings they implement, it still depends on how naive the user is and that could put them at risk. Who knows, I might end up deleting my facebook after what I find. AH how will I stay in contact with anyone? lol

I have to go get real work done. But hey, it didn't take me a month to write another blog so yay me :)

Bloop, bleep.

How do people see you?



Are you a jock, a bad boy, a rich popular girl, a geek, the weirdo? I was thinking about that today. Personally, I don't even know what I would stereotype myself as. I'm not rich, nor am I that popular. Popular in the sense of having a bunch of friends because I find that most of the "popular" people have friends that aren't really their friends, its more about quantity than quality. I would much rather have a few close friends who I can count on than a shit ton of random acquaintances. Am I a geek because I sometimes like to learn? Does a jock mean that you play a sport or you play a bunch of sports or does it simply mean you're athletic? I certainly do weird things at times, so am I a weirdo? I've asked people what they thought of me before they even met me, and most of the time they say, "Oh I thought you were a bitch." 1) That's just plain rude to make that assumption without talking/hanging out/getting to know someone. 2) None of them could explain why, they just said "I don't know, I just did." What kind of answer is that, how can you base anything off of it? I don't know what to do to change that assumption people have about me either, I mean, it's not like they gave me much to work with. But I would like to correct that sooner rather than later. I just don't understand how that could be the first impression I give. That just kind of erks me.

You know what's really hard? Not wearing your emotions on your face. My mom would always tell me, "Aja you better watch your eyes" because apparently you can tell exactly what I'm thinking by looking at my eyes? People know when I'm irritated, or sad, or excited, or lying because I cannot keep a straight face for the life of me. It's just really difficult. And most of the time, I don't even realize I'm doing it. If I hear a wrong note, or smell a bad smell, or try to tell a fib, I make a face about it even if I try not to. I envy people who can keep a stone face when someone is trying to make them laugh, but then again, that's kind of mean. You could confuse the hell out of people because they don't know what you're feeling. I guess it's a blessing and a curse?

This blog's really random. I'm terrible at keeping up with this. I don't want it to just be about things that irritate me and I feel like that's what it's turned into. Complain, complain, complain. Anyone who reads it will think I'm a big complainer. I don't like to complain about things to other people though because I think it's annoying when people complain to me. So maybe this is just my outlet for all of my frustrations? Who knows...let me try to think of something positive to write about.

AHA! I'm in the middle of a showcase right now where the freshman musical majors sing. I realized that our class really is fierce. We have a ton of talented kids in it and I think this showcase really does, well, showcase that. I know that a lot of us will go extremely far and hopefully I'll get to work in a show on Broadway with them someday. People are of course bashing other people's songs and acting choices and voices because what would musical theatre be without trash talk? I mean, there are songs that are "boring" but the songs themselves are genuine and I think all of them have something to say. Although during the rehearsal process I would get extremely annoyed with people's lack of focus and care for the whole showcase, I am extremely happy with the finished product and can't wait to open this weekend.

Whoo, go positivity :)

Debbie Downer

Ok, I need to get into gear and get to this blog at least twice a week. I have a huge block of time right now so I thought I'd write a little something.

So in my Creative Process class today my teacher talked about self-image. And I'm not one of those people who obsess about what I eat or workout and I never want to become one. But I realized that I am pursuing a career where I am constantly going to be critiqued and judged and criticized about the way I look regardless of my talent. No wonder why so many actresses turn to drugs and crash diets to stay skinny, tabloids and most people, in general, are SO rude. They even chastise people who are obviously at a healthy weight and still say they're fat. Its like self-image has just turned into "how much do you weigh?" I think that there are more important things than weight that contribute to my self-image. Like I feel that my eyes are incredibly unique because they're almond shaped and hazel and my teeth are nice because I had braces. I don't know, it seems like everyone is so hung up on they're weight when there is so much more that makes up a person's image.

I feel like this blog is just going to be about everything that is bugging me at the present time. Oh well. Why are people so rude? Did the whole world just forget how to be humans? There are just some things you don't do, or things you are supposed to do. You don't make side comments after everything, especially when people are obviously not laughing at them. I'm just so sick of people voicing random comments that are rude or negative that they think are funny. It is so hard to focus when I hear a bird chirping in my ear after every sentence someone says. And another rude thing, I don't get how people can drop friends like they're yesterday's garbage. Like I know I haven't been friends with these people I met over first semester but I mean come on. I feel as though I was there for some people to talk to and thought we were close and then all of a sudden I don't exist? That is probably the most hurtful thing that anyone can do to me. I apparently wasted so much time being a good friend to some people.

I am just so sick of wasting things. Wasting time, money, energy, compassion, trust, etc. I feel like all I've been doing is wasting everything and the semester just started. And it is totally bringing me down. I can't focus. I'm so worried all the time. Something needs to change. I have too much going on right now to be so distracted. I need to GET IT TOGETHER PEOPLE. But I might need a little help from my friends. My real friends lol. Ah, so this super depressing blog has got to come to an end somewhere, hopefully I'll remember to keep up with this and my next posts will be positive. Peace out girl scout.

Oops...

So I know myself better than I thought I did. I knew I wouldn't get to this blog everyday. I really wish I did. Maybe i'll add it to my list of New Year's resolutions.

Anyway, my life as of now described in one word: RELAXING.
I've spent more time in my room reading or watching Law and Order SVU than hanging out with friends. Everyone seems to just want to party their break away. This sounds bad coming from a college student, but I'm just over partying...or maybe I'm just over it with people who go overboard. I really like sitting at home and reading, and just hanging out with people I actually care about. I don't feel the need to go to a party and drink with people I don't even like and be ridiculously fake. It takes too much energy to act like you like someone and it's unfair to both people. Oh and the girls here just try to hard. Try too hard to look good, try too hard to get laid, try too hard to make their lives seem more fabulous than everyone else's. I'm just over it. I can't wait to go back to Chicago and hangout with actual REAL people. Although, I wish my fab five girls could come back with me to school. They are the few girls in this world who don't annoy me, that sounds bad, but it's true :P I love them with all my heart, they made my senior year and summer the most fun I've ever had and ultimately, they just understand me. They're the only reason I don't want to go back to school.


Ok, so here's how this semester's gonna go: I'm not going to let anyone influence me. If ANY of my fellow students try to tell me what I should be learning and what I should be doing with my life, I'm just going to walk away. I don't need that negativity and egotism. And I'm done hearing people complain and whine. It just puts me in a bad mood and I hate feeling like that. I'm also done with rude people. I don't think I've ever experienced the amount of rudeness that I experienced this semester. If people don't treat me the way I treat them, then they aren't people that deserve to be my friend. I'm living by "fuck me once, shame on you. Fuck me twice, shame on me." Basically, I'm not taking anyone's shit this semester haha. I am a very good listener and will still be there to listen to the people I care about. But I will not allow people to walk all over me or drag me into their drama. I just want to have the best college experience I can and if people get in the way of that then I'm droppin 'em like a hot potato.

I'm so unbelievably excited to go back to Chicago. I can't even put it into words. I mean, seriously, who wouldn't wanna go back to that?!


Well that's all for now. Later gators.