I'm a working girl now!

So. I finally got my first job...ever. People are always surprised when I say I've never worked anywhere before, not even babysit or anything. Well, I don't like children so babysitting was a no-go and all through high school I was at volleyball practice or rehearsals for shows or I had student government stuff or I had dance/piano/voice lessons. I literally had absolutely no time to work. Psh, and I should've been able to count my rehearsals as previous job experiences since I was in rehearsal more than most people were at their part-time jobs. But out of the good graces of their hearts, the people at Uncle Mike's Pub hired me when I had absolutely no experience at all. And guess what? I LOVE IT. I absolutely adore having a job; I love having money in my wallet that I earned. It's liberating and freeing in a way because my parents have always been the money train. And I love being a busgirl and a waitress because as a waitress I only make $3.25/hr but then I get tips (Oh, PS I love tips, screw you taxes). And then as a busgirl I make $7.25/hr plus I get tipped out from the waitresses and bartenders. It's just a win win because even if it's slow when I bus, I'm still getting paidddd. And I really like the people that work there. I mean, there are bartenders and waitresses who have been there almost since it opened yet they don't treat me like I'm super new. And everyone's really funny and nice.

The one downside: it's a bar, so everyone is smoking all the time which isn't good for my voice or my health in general for that matter. I come home smelling like smoke on busy nights and I hate that. Thank God the Smoking Ban is getting implemented in July, I don't know how long I can stand it. What I still don't get about people who go to bars is how they can just sit there...and drink...for HOURS. And I mean hours people. They just sit there and drink and watch whatever is on the 10 tv's we have in there oh, and try to score with the bartenders haha that's always fun to watch.

PS hottie mchothots work where I work, it is SUCH a plus. I've already met two extremely sexy AND straight AND older guys which I was deprived of when I was at school at a theatre conservatory :P I'm getting sick of boys who are my age who act like they're pre-teens. It's just so unattractive, get it together boys. If you're ever wondering why you're still single, that is probs the reason. Joking around all the time, being rude/crude 95% of the time, and reverting back to middle school tactics in getting a girl are just frowned upon in girl world. Take note. Girls love funny guys, well at least I do and most of the women I know do, but if that's all you are, then what's the point of being with you? There's no substance, you're just a big joke. So maybe this summer I might "dip my wick in company ink" because these MEN are top notch compared to the guys I've been with.

ANYWAY, this started off talking about how great it is to be in America's work force and ended up with me ranting about boys. But alas, that's usually how it is with me haha If I was a psychic I think I would predict that this summer will be phenom. It's nice out, I love my friends, I love my job, I have time to relax, I'm meetin some hotties. It's pretty successful so far. I just love summer. I love what it brings and what it brings out in people...I think it's the heat haha well, I'm out like shout. I gotta keep remembering I have a blog, I'll put a reminder in my phone. Peace n blessins, peace n blessins <3

I need to use lists more...

I usually get more shit done if I at least try to be organized.

Summer 2010 List of Things to Accomplish
-Learn how to juggle (I need to add more to my special skills)
-Learn how to play basic guitar because I've always wanted to.
-Maybe learn how to play bass too
-Read a decent amount of plays
-Read at least 20 books from the New York Times Bestseller List
-Try to workout at least 3 times a week
-Barely eat any fast food
-Stretch every day
-Learn how to sing/play a Sara Bareilles song
-Figure out what's wrong with my ipod
-Buy my dorm stuff not last minute
-Eat kind of healthier but don't diet (psh like I ever diet)
-Do a set of songs with me singing and my dad on the guitar
-Get tan (got ittt)
-Be able to do the splits by the time school starts
-Brush up on my Francais
-Add music to my rep binder and organize it
-Reconnect with some old friends
-Keep in touch with friends from school

Hopefully I'll get...half of this stuff done. I don't wanna shoot my expectations too high haha But at least I can't say I didn't give it a shot. I think the whole list is do-able, I'm just going to have to steal some self-discipline from somewhere to do it. Wish me luck. PS hopefully I'll write more, another thing I should add to the list: -Remember I have a blog :P Lata gatas


Summer has finally arrived in Wisconsin and I am lovin it.

So I'm a sophomore now..

I moved back home yesterday for the summer and it still hasn't hit me that I don't live in Chicago anymore. I think once I've unpacked (which is taking forever) I'll realize that I'm in my own room, not a dorm and my own bed, not a twin bed and I don't have a roommate and I can't just go walk down the hall to hangout in my friends' rooms. Those friends aren't here, or anywhere near here. I thought I would be way more emotional saying goodbye to people, but I wasn't. I found that odd because usually I'm an incredibly emotional person. I'm sure I'll become more aware of how long this break really is from people I used to see everyday as time goes on. It's weird to think that I'm going to be a sophomore in college. I feel like freshman year just started. During this first year, I've found out some things about myself, people, and life in general and I think that's the way it should be. If you're the same person from when you started college to when you finish, there's a problem. I've found that college isn't for everyone hopefully it doesn't take those people too long to realize it before they've wasted so much money on it. I just don't get how people can go to college and not think that there's going to be work. Showing up, being attentive, and actually turning things in are the minimum requirements for any school, some kids haven't been doing any of that. It's just such a waste of time and money. Main thing I learned: Performing Arts college is hard. People who don't go to one think that it's really easy, but the big picture is they don't have the talent or the drive to do it. It's just a different forte, same amount of work goes into it though and maybe even then some. I'm so proud of what I accomplished and discovered this year:
-Even though I'm an only child, I turned out to be a pretty good roommate. And I'm so grateful that mine kicked ass and I don't have any roommate horror stories.
-I'm more of a sit back and chill person than a party person. I don't get how university of wisconsin kids do it. I really just like hanging inside with cool people.
-I don't fit the musical theatre major stereotype and I don't want to. People are trying too hard to be overly obnoxious or really drama artsy. There is an in between and that's where I stand. Musical theatre majors can be normal people, there's just some out there who are ruining our rep.
-I want to be in a serious relationship. I just want to know what it's like. I'm not having this wishy washy kind of dating non-exclusive bouncing around crap anymore.
-I'm more organized than I thought. I thought I PROCRASTINATED, no no no, I've never met so many kids who wait till the last minute to do things. I felt so prepared this year.
-I don't try to be friends with everyone and I don't like people that do. You can't please everyone, no two people are alike and you just can't do it because someone's going to get hurt in the end. Not everyone has to like everyone, but people should have a common respect for one another. I don't need r023895023-8964-0312 billion friends.
-I need to build up the confidence to volunteer. I'm really confident when it comes to singing and I'm an okay dancer/mover. But I have no idea what I'm doing in acting; I don't have any training and feel incredibly behind yet my ignorance also allows me to not act like an ass hole know-it-all and I'm fine with that.
-Chicago is one of the most amazing cities on the planet. I can't believe I live there. Anytime I'm outside or look out a window I have to just stop and take it all in. It's phenomenal how much there is to do and see there. I'm in love with it.
-I feel like everyone should grow up and if they have an issue, talk about it. When has it ever worked to talk to everyone but the person you have a problem with or just ignoring it? Never. It's annoying that more people don't do that.
-I eat way too many pizza rolls (NOTE TO SELF-try not to buy any next year. HA, fat chance :P)
-I've been getting along better with guys than girls. Or maybe it's just girls in the conservatory because back home all my true friends are girls. It's just an interesting change.
-I've found some trustworthy people I can have "car talk" with.
-I love performing. I hate when I'm not in a show or not rehearsing. Even though I'm much more stressed, I feel like I'm accomplishing and learning so much more. Hopefully next year I'll have more opportunities to perform.

I've learned a lot; I've done a lot. I can't wait for next year. I'll miss my class and all my friends but I'm sure I'll have fun this summer so I'll be okay. I'll still keep blogging too when I have time/remember/have something to say. Have a great summer everyone :) lataaa.

Awkward...

So, personally, I think death is one of the most awkward things ever. I never know how to help/handle people who are dealing with death. Everyone grieves differently and I've been lucky enough to not experience anyone close to me dying. But two weeks ago, my grandpa was rushed to the hospital for an ulcer bursting. Now, this apparently has happened before and I just didn't know about it. But he's like 80 something now and I'm slowly starting to realize that he might not be here next year. And to top it off, my other grandpa was rushed to the hospital this week for kidney stones, he's still there, and my mom wants me to call his room. I just don't know what to say. It's just so weird not from not having to deal with death and then having it in the back of your mind constantly. We get old, and then we die whether it's peacefully or not. Everyone always tiptoes around the word death, or died, I don't think there's really a way to sugar coat the inevitable. But now all of these feelings about how I wish I was closer to my grandparents are filling my head and you think we would be close since it's not like they live in another state or 4+ hrs away, but I'm just not. So I'm wondering how I'm going to react once they do pass away. I know I'll probably feel guilt and regret because now it's too late to get to know them. Obviously, I love all my grandparents but I see my friends and how close they are with theirs and I don't have that kind of relationship with them. On top of that, my family's already small, on both sides. I'm really not close with any of my family which makes me angry and sad all at the same time. And now that I'm in college I barely have time to be close to them. Some family's have game nights and eat at each other's houses every sunday and mine just don't do that. My family's not loud, or nosy, or that lovable but I'm kind of indifferent about it. I don't know if I would like them more or less if they were the opposite. I think when one of my family members dies, its just going to be SO different and SO surreal the next time we're all together...because we won't all be together ever again. I don't want to think about death but I feel like I'm forced to. I've only been to one funeral and it was my great aunt's whom I never met before and it was an open casket and I was like 9 so do the math: I was traumatized. What other words are spoken at funerals other than "I'm sorry for your loss"? Awkward awkward awkward and more awkward. I don't want to find out how I react to death but I know I will eventually especially when your mom tells you to "be prepared." What does that even mean? How am I supposed to "be prepared" for someone who has been there since I was born (whether I was all chummy with them or not) to suddenly not be there ever again? Christmas...THAT will never be the same. My favorite time of year will turn into a time I spend realizing they're gone. I just don't know how to deal with that or how to prepare myself to deal with that. This has been on my mind all month, I needed to get it out. Hopefully my next post will be a bit more cheery.

More than Anyone

So, I haven't written a blog in an INCREDIBLY long time. And it's weird because there's been multiple occasions when I started writing a blog and I either lost my train of thought or got too lazy to finish it. But I'm determined to finish this one.

This blog is entitled "More Than Anyone." I'm referring to the song by Gavin Degraw. Now, anyone who really knows me knows that I'm 1) Obsessed with Gavin Degraw 2) Obsessed with this song in particular 3) Because I want it to be my wedding song if and when I ever get married. I'm kind of stealing the idea from the show "What I Like About You" but I don't care. Hopefully Gavin Degraw will be able to come and sing it while I walk down the aisle...or even better, maybe I'll just marry Gavin Degraw so I can hear it all the time. There's the story behind the title. But anyway, I've been thinking about this song frequently over this semester.

I'm writing a play for my Playwriting class called Match.hell and it centers around a woman who has been alone for so long and she's almost 30 so her friends make her a Match.com account and she goes on all of these horrific dates with a redneck, a lesbian, an old man, and a creeper. But the woman's been alone because her first husband died and she can't move on in her life because she doesn't believe she can love again. But don't worry she finds love in the end. After I wrote it, I've been thinking exactly why I wrote it.

The woman is based on me, but how I see myself in about 10 years. Now, I obviously don't want something tragic to happen to the person I love, that's not what I'm predicting but the whole not being able to find love theme is what I relate to. Personally, I believe I have a really negative outlook on love. I think that most people throw the word around like it's not a big deal. And I can't say that I've been in the presence of love that I wish I had. Most if not all the people around me who claim to be "in love" are having some problems. And I get that love isn't perfect blah blah blah all of that cliche mumbo jumbo but why isn't it? Love is supposed to be the most sacred and treasured thing. Yet people cheat, and lie, and abuse, and torment, and tease, and hurt the people they "love." And how dare someone come up with the concept of "you hurt the people you love the most." That's complete bullshit. I'm pretty sure the one goal you have when you love someone is to never hurt them or do as much as possible not to. Now, granted, I have never been in a relationship that has lasted more than 3 months, but basically every relationship I've seen has kind of crumbled to the ground or they take so much work that you wonder why they're even together. The obstacle holding my character back from loving again is the idea of her late husband and the love she still has for him. The obstacle holding me back from loving for the first time is the idea of love and all of the baggage and heartache that seems to come with it. Devoting yourself to one person, accepting all of their faults, allowing them to be a part of your life, it's just a lot to swallow.

Especially being at college, most of my classmates who were in relationships aren't anymore. These kids said they loved each other and look what happened? Their relationship fell apart. I just don't want that. I've seen people beat themselves up over why their relationships didn't work or their partner hurt them so badly that they don't know themselves without them. That's the problem. I don't want to lose who I am just because I'm with someone else. They shouldn't steal my identity or change me but I feel that's what always happens in serious relationships. I don't want to dedicate my life to someone else. I want to live MY life.

So as you can see I'm kind of torn. I think love is a really important concept but I don't want it to affect how I live my life. That's probably why I've never been in a serious relationship besides never being in the presence of a successful one or one that the kind I would want to have. Love is just so confusing to me. It really is one of the biggest mysteries. I feel like this blog was stemmed off of a bunch of things: people breaking up, people arguing, people acting really shady, and probably most of all me being envious of people who are in love. Love is tricky. And it's human nature to want what other people have. I'm only 18, I get it. But you can only be alone for so long. Bah humbug.

lata lovas

PS. If you've never heard the song, I suggest you download/buy it immediately or watch this video, which is him at Summerfest in Milwaukee, WI and I WAS THERE. Crossed one thing off my bucket list that night. So epic.



"I'm going to love you more than anyone
I'm going to hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm going to love you more than anyone"

Insomniac much?

So, it's 3:30ish am and I'm still awake and I'm running on like 5 hours of sleep, but I'm not tired. I physically cannot go to sleep. I don't get the issue. I wish I could go to sleep since I have a voice lesson in t-minus 6 hours. I wish I could just go to sleep right now and have a supa awesome dream. I haven't been able to remember a dream in a while. I've been having a lot of those dreams where you like jolt yourself awake and I always wonder what the fuck was goin on that I had to wake up like someone taser-ed me. Hopefully I can remember one and I can write a whole pointless blog about it haha

Anyway, so I just finished this one midterm paper and it's 22 pages. 22 pages? I never would have thought that I could spew nonsense onto 22 pages, but I did it :) The problem is, why did I just do that? I basically said the exact same thing over and over. I just do not get why teacher's assign things that are so completely pointless and this could easily have been like an 8 page paper. I get that repetition is a recall device but when I am repeating what I think it is getting me no where. I thought it the first time and the second time and the third time and oh look, I'm still thinking it BECAUSE I THOUGHT OF IT. Reiterating things just irritates me when I'm spending hours upon hours doing something that I gained little knowledge from. PLUS I'm a musical theatre major, not a composition major, so...what's the problem? Give me a song, a monologue, and a dance class and I'm set. Just let me be. Don't burden me papers I'm never going to think twice about after I turn it in. Okay, rant done. Onto the next one? Just kidding, kind of.

I noticed something today, I'm always humming and/or singing. And I mean ALWAYS. That must get pretty annoying to people around me. I mean, I probably should have realized it a bit earlier but today I was in the elevator at school and this kid was in there and I hummed like 4 notes and I look over and he's rolling his eyes. My first thought: RUDE, my second though: my bad... Sometimes I'm just not aware of how loud I am probably and I literally just do it as a habit. I understand that I like to sing but maybe some people just aren't in the mood to hear it. Lesson learned today=shut up sometimes ha.

I feel like I'm trying to find excuses to blog. I never know what is the proper reason to just start to write a blog. I think this is like my outlet. I rarely ever just talk about shit that's going on in my life, I'm not that kinda gal. And it's weird because I'm emotional, but not around people. I just don't like to go to people with stuff I think is serious because then it becomes their problem and I don't want to drag anyone into anything. Blah, but I'm havin a rough go right now. I'm so happy it's been sunny because I NEED the sun to be in a good mood it seems like. I overthink everything that is going on in my life and I just get SO emotionally drained but then I look out the window or walk outside and see the sun. So that's been real nice. It just helps to relieve some stress and get stuff out there by letting it go via the interweb, ya know? Ha that sounds so sad.

Ok, I'm almost done. You know what I love? Other than riffing, is hanging out with totally chill people. I just like laughing with supa fly kids. And I've met some pretty cool ones this semester. This semester is so different from last semester, but not in a good or bad way, just way different. Last semester was all about getting to know everyone and trying to find people you click with and basically was a free for all for everyone in our class to hook up haha. But now it's just hangin out and laughing and I'm lovinnnnn it. Yeah, sitting in english 102 sucks, and writing playwriting midterms blow, and even getting up for class seems hard, but this semester (although more stressed) I feel more relaxed in a way? If that makes sense? Maybe the atmosphere just feels more relaxed now that we know each other and we're not all uppity about everything. I'm almost done with my freshman year in college. Where the fuck did the year go? That's what I'm sayin. I literally felt like I started school yesterday. Still don't know what my summer plans are which is freakin me out but I'll figure it out eventually...hopefully. Today's just been a refreshing and eye-opening day so that's my excuse for the blog. I'll try to stick with this better because I really like blogging for some odd reason. Well, peace up A-town down HA I remember when that was sooo in.

KBYE :)

Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou Romeo?

Yeah, where you at? I've been reading Cosmo and Seventeen mags since I've been home and every women's magazine always has those quizzes "is he the right guy for you?" "do you have anything in common?" "what's your perfect man like?" so I thought it'd be fun to try to pinpoint my "perfect" man, whatever that is. Warning: I'm extremely picky, even though I don't really think I am...

AJA IS SEEKING A MAN WHO...

-is easy on the eyes if ya know what i'm sayin
-can sing or can play an instrument (piano or guitar are preferred, sorry tuba and oboe players)
-i can't cook, which means, someone has to...
-doesn't need to be athletic, I'm okay with him being a lazy bum if he looks good with his shirt off (superficial blah blah every girl has that in the back of her mind when finding a man, believe me)
-doesn't mind that I eat more than him, because most likely, I can and will :)
-can hold an intellectual conversation; doesn't say "like" every other word
-is NOT corny. lame pick up lines and shmoozy overly-romantic "things you only see in the movies" do not appeal to me at all
-does not take longer than I do to get ready, guys look better without hair gel, just a little ff (fun fact)
-doesn't think musical theatre is just a hobby, I need supportive people in my life
-does not use exclamation marks! in texts, I don't know why, but it really creeps me out
-has some love for cats, I mean, the panther is my favorite animal and I have two cats at home so deal with it
-can talk to me, guys always say "ugh I never know what girls are thinking." It definitely goes both ways. I've heard I'm easy to talk to so let it rip, I'm all ears
-CAN MAKE ME LAUGH (now people who know me know that I laugh at everything) but here's the trick, you have to be able to make me laugh but know how to be serious sometimes. I cannot stand guys who turn EVERYTHING into a joke
-isn't a drone that doesn't listen to music (but if you listen to ALL music I don't like...we might have a problem :/ )
-has green eyes and brown hair and a lightning scar on his forehead...whoops, this isn't Hogwarts? But seriously, I don't have a preference on eye or hair color. What am I, a nazi?
-does not judge me, my whole career will be based on people judging everything about me, so I'd like to have one person who likes me for who I truly am if that's not too much to ask
-is close with his family, so I can be too :) since the names of people in my family could fit on the top of a pin
-likes to lay around and watch movies, being comfy is my favorite past time
-has a plan in life, even if that plan is "i don't know what my plan is yet"
-DOES NOT cheat, or likes cheating, or even thinks of cheating, because I don't forgive anyone
-and last but not least, my perfect man is someone who will show me new things. He can't act like he knows everything, because he doesn't and neither do I but we can start to know new things together. That's always fun.


Well...I hope that narrows it down? I know I'm probably forgetting a few things. When people first think of their "perfect" mate, they usually answer with the gushy response of, "i just want someone who loves me" *in a whiny voice* But when you truly think about it, a list of specifics comes to mind on top of just wanting someone to love you. Hopefully this list will help me keep an eye out for perfect men running all around Chicago. Girls are on the prowl just as much as guys. I have been "Perfectly Lonely" as John Mayer would say for awhile now. It's time to buckle down and find someone and by someone I don't mean my groom to be. I just need someone, ya know? You can only be independent for so long. I'll letcha know if I have any luck. But if anyone's wondering if I could compare my list to an actual live person...it would have to be:
Ryan Reynolds

So if any guy who sees this is looking for a point of reference...there he is ;)

Lata gatas.