Insomniac much?

So, it's 3:30ish am and I'm still awake and I'm running on like 5 hours of sleep, but I'm not tired. I physically cannot go to sleep. I don't get the issue. I wish I could go to sleep since I have a voice lesson in t-minus 6 hours. I wish I could just go to sleep right now and have a supa awesome dream. I haven't been able to remember a dream in a while. I've been having a lot of those dreams where you like jolt yourself awake and I always wonder what the fuck was goin on that I had to wake up like someone taser-ed me. Hopefully I can remember one and I can write a whole pointless blog about it haha

Anyway, so I just finished this one midterm paper and it's 22 pages. 22 pages? I never would have thought that I could spew nonsense onto 22 pages, but I did it :) The problem is, why did I just do that? I basically said the exact same thing over and over. I just do not get why teacher's assign things that are so completely pointless and this could easily have been like an 8 page paper. I get that repetition is a recall device but when I am repeating what I think it is getting me no where. I thought it the first time and the second time and the third time and oh look, I'm still thinking it BECAUSE I THOUGHT OF IT. Reiterating things just irritates me when I'm spending hours upon hours doing something that I gained little knowledge from. PLUS I'm a musical theatre major, not a composition major, so...what's the problem? Give me a song, a monologue, and a dance class and I'm set. Just let me be. Don't burden me papers I'm never going to think twice about after I turn it in. Okay, rant done. Onto the next one? Just kidding, kind of.

I noticed something today, I'm always humming and/or singing. And I mean ALWAYS. That must get pretty annoying to people around me. I mean, I probably should have realized it a bit earlier but today I was in the elevator at school and this kid was in there and I hummed like 4 notes and I look over and he's rolling his eyes. My first thought: RUDE, my second though: my bad... Sometimes I'm just not aware of how loud I am probably and I literally just do it as a habit. I understand that I like to sing but maybe some people just aren't in the mood to hear it. Lesson learned today=shut up sometimes ha.

I feel like I'm trying to find excuses to blog. I never know what is the proper reason to just start to write a blog. I think this is like my outlet. I rarely ever just talk about shit that's going on in my life, I'm not that kinda gal. And it's weird because I'm emotional, but not around people. I just don't like to go to people with stuff I think is serious because then it becomes their problem and I don't want to drag anyone into anything. Blah, but I'm havin a rough go right now. I'm so happy it's been sunny because I NEED the sun to be in a good mood it seems like. I overthink everything that is going on in my life and I just get SO emotionally drained but then I look out the window or walk outside and see the sun. So that's been real nice. It just helps to relieve some stress and get stuff out there by letting it go via the interweb, ya know? Ha that sounds so sad.

Ok, I'm almost done. You know what I love? Other than riffing, is hanging out with totally chill people. I just like laughing with supa fly kids. And I've met some pretty cool ones this semester. This semester is so different from last semester, but not in a good or bad way, just way different. Last semester was all about getting to know everyone and trying to find people you click with and basically was a free for all for everyone in our class to hook up haha. But now it's just hangin out and laughing and I'm lovinnnnn it. Yeah, sitting in english 102 sucks, and writing playwriting midterms blow, and even getting up for class seems hard, but this semester (although more stressed) I feel more relaxed in a way? If that makes sense? Maybe the atmosphere just feels more relaxed now that we know each other and we're not all uppity about everything. I'm almost done with my freshman year in college. Where the fuck did the year go? That's what I'm sayin. I literally felt like I started school yesterday. Still don't know what my summer plans are which is freakin me out but I'll figure it out eventually...hopefully. Today's just been a refreshing and eye-opening day so that's my excuse for the blog. I'll try to stick with this better because I really like blogging for some odd reason. Well, peace up A-town down HA I remember when that was sooo in.

KBYE :)

Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou Romeo?

Yeah, where you at? I've been reading Cosmo and Seventeen mags since I've been home and every women's magazine always has those quizzes "is he the right guy for you?" "do you have anything in common?" "what's your perfect man like?" so I thought it'd be fun to try to pinpoint my "perfect" man, whatever that is. Warning: I'm extremely picky, even though I don't really think I am...

AJA IS SEEKING A MAN WHO...

-is easy on the eyes if ya know what i'm sayin
-can sing or can play an instrument (piano or guitar are preferred, sorry tuba and oboe players)
-i can't cook, which means, someone has to...
-doesn't need to be athletic, I'm okay with him being a lazy bum if he looks good with his shirt off (superficial blah blah every girl has that in the back of her mind when finding a man, believe me)
-doesn't mind that I eat more than him, because most likely, I can and will :)
-can hold an intellectual conversation; doesn't say "like" every other word
-is NOT corny. lame pick up lines and shmoozy overly-romantic "things you only see in the movies" do not appeal to me at all
-does not take longer than I do to get ready, guys look better without hair gel, just a little ff (fun fact)
-doesn't think musical theatre is just a hobby, I need supportive people in my life
-does not use exclamation marks! in texts, I don't know why, but it really creeps me out
-has some love for cats, I mean, the panther is my favorite animal and I have two cats at home so deal with it
-can talk to me, guys always say "ugh I never know what girls are thinking." It definitely goes both ways. I've heard I'm easy to talk to so let it rip, I'm all ears
-CAN MAKE ME LAUGH (now people who know me know that I laugh at everything) but here's the trick, you have to be able to make me laugh but know how to be serious sometimes. I cannot stand guys who turn EVERYTHING into a joke
-isn't a drone that doesn't listen to music (but if you listen to ALL music I don't like...we might have a problem :/ )
-has green eyes and brown hair and a lightning scar on his forehead...whoops, this isn't Hogwarts? But seriously, I don't have a preference on eye or hair color. What am I, a nazi?
-does not judge me, my whole career will be based on people judging everything about me, so I'd like to have one person who likes me for who I truly am if that's not too much to ask
-is close with his family, so I can be too :) since the names of people in my family could fit on the top of a pin
-likes to lay around and watch movies, being comfy is my favorite past time
-has a plan in life, even if that plan is "i don't know what my plan is yet"
-DOES NOT cheat, or likes cheating, or even thinks of cheating, because I don't forgive anyone
-and last but not least, my perfect man is someone who will show me new things. He can't act like he knows everything, because he doesn't and neither do I but we can start to know new things together. That's always fun.


Well...I hope that narrows it down? I know I'm probably forgetting a few things. When people first think of their "perfect" mate, they usually answer with the gushy response of, "i just want someone who loves me" *in a whiny voice* But when you truly think about it, a list of specifics comes to mind on top of just wanting someone to love you. Hopefully this list will help me keep an eye out for perfect men running all around Chicago. Girls are on the prowl just as much as guys. I have been "Perfectly Lonely" as John Mayer would say for awhile now. It's time to buckle down and find someone and by someone I don't mean my groom to be. I just need someone, ya know? You can only be independent for so long. I'll letcha know if I have any luck. But if anyone's wondering if I could compare my list to an actual live person...it would have to be:
Ryan Reynolds

So if any guy who sees this is looking for a point of reference...there he is ;)

Lata gatas.

All Grown Up

So I have some time before class so I thought I'd write a little diddy in here. This weekend was incredibly exciting and terrifying all at the same time. I accomplished a bunch of firsts. First time being in St. Louis MO, first time taking the amtrak train, first time calling a car service to pick me up, first time checking into a hotel, first time checking out of a hotel, first time printing my boarding pass, first time getting through airport security, first time flying in a plane and granted, this was all by myself. I have never done any of those things completely alone with no parent supervision. I have always either had someone do it for me or I'd be with someone. It was eye opening to know how much I can actually do by myself. I felt extremely organized too (I NEVER feel like that). I had everything printed out ahead of time and I timed it so I wouldn't be waiting around for a car and I kept everything in a nice folder and it was just refreshing to not be rushing. Except I almost missed my amtrak train, but that was the only bump in my weekend. I went out there for Midwest auditions (for summer musical jobs) and I ended up getting 6 callbacks to 6 different theatres. I thought that was pretty fantastic for it being my first time auditioning and for only being a freshman. I really want to work this summer and I wanted to do well, and I did. I guess positive thinking does work. The scary part of the weekend was taking cars/taxis to everywhere I went. It's just kind of frightening to know that you're putting all of your trust into this random (and sometimes super creepy) driver. So basically, I'm putting my life into a stranger's hands. I always just have mini panic attacks when I get into those kind of situations silently praying, "please just take me to where I need to go instead of driving to a deserted alley or something." I think watching scary movies and law and order SVU does not help my paranoia. Other than that, it was a kickass weekend. I am hopeful that I'll get some job offers and I'll be able to do what I love all summer long and get paiddddd. I am just crazy proud of myself and I thought I'd let the whole blogger.com network know. Even though we all know that Derek Herman is the only one that actually reads my blog :P Well, lata alligatas.

Valentine Shmalentine.

So, it was Valentine's Day, and surprisingly, my day did not turn out that bad. Although I did not share it with that one special person, I shared it with a bunch of special people. I performed with my class as a whole for the last time today in our showcase. I received flowers, candy, and other various things from my parents. I got valentine's from friends. And I saw closing night of the touring cast of August: Osage County in Chicago and it was PHENOMENAL. I've never been so excited to see a show and I've never had my mind blown like that. It was just all around fantastic, it was crazy. I can't even describe how I was feeling at the beginning, middle, and end because the play just evoked so many different emotions and there were huge bombs dropped that I wasn't expecting. Just, wow. And then I came back to the dorm and watched my favorite movie: Superstar while eating my favorite snack: nutella and pretzels with milk. To sum it up, it was a pretty fab day. I found myself saying, "I hate Valentine's Day," and I realized that it's not true. I think the only reason people say that is because we're all jealous of couples out celebrating their togetherness when we're sitting here, chocolate-less and alone. I hope soon to find that special someone that I can plan a whole romantic day with. I mean, people call it a Hallmark holiday, but seriously, who doesn't like getting gifts? If they were gettin something I don't think they'd be complaining. Oh well, maybe next year. I have enough chocolate/candy right now to feed a third world country so I'm going to quit whining about it. I'm so full. Too full to type anymore haha. But PS, Go me, I've kept up with my blog all week :) Anyway, I'm gonna make like a tree and...branch? I don't get that saying, bye.

So grateful.

I can't even describe how grateful I am to be blessed with such an amazing roommate my first year of college. I heard horror stories before I came to school from people I know who absolutely abhorred their roommates. And even after first semester, people in my own class switched to be rid of their current roommate. I understand that some people just don't click. But I am ecstatic that Steph and I are making it work and setting an example of the "perfect roommate relationship" as my bff Ryan would say. I think that we're so successful because we didn't try to push our friendship right away. We didn't assume that we were going to be bestfriends. We just let the magic happen and now we're closer than ever. We eased into talking and joking with each other and not trying to materialize something out of nothing. We don't argue, we're both extremely sarcastic so we just get each other's sense of humor. I think it also helps that we didn't have EVERY class together like some roommates. We could go through our own day and then come back to the room and fill each other in. We both like our quiet times where we just sit in the room and do homework or catch up on our shows. Our room is far from the party room, we don't constantly have people milling about so that's great too. I remember in the beginning she was so quiet and I realize now that it was just something she was going through and I'm so glad that she got passed that and now she's just sassy and fierce and she has turned into someone I can talk to. Literally all of my friends back home had roommates they don't like. They talked about what bugged them and how they want someone else. And I love how I just sat back and had nothing to say. I'm incredibly lucky. So luck that we're even thinking of rooming together again next year, and I KNOW that that's rare. That was just something on my mind today because last night I could NOT find my dorm ID anywhere, we like tore the room apart and this morning she found it for me. I'm so glad my roommate experience is a success story and not a nightmare. Props to resident housing for pairing us up. Now we have to clean this disaster of a room. Ta ta.

You're a joke.

So I'm staying up late tonight to watch all of my shows that I've missed from Monday and today. And I want to tell American Idol it's a joke. I'm sitting here catching up on the auditions and Hollywood week episodes. I'm so sick of seeing people who are obviously terrible going through to see the judges just to get a laugh. There's a pre-screening before you go see the judges, I know this because a girl from my school got on, so why let people who blatantly suck go in? Why waste their time, the judge's time, FOX's time, and the tv viewers time? Personally, I don't want to see shitty people. I'm watching the show to see who could be the next American Idol not people who could be on America's Funniest Home Videos. And I feel so bad for all of the people who actually have talent who aren't showcased on the show until they get down to the top 20. You go, "who the fuck is that? I haven't seen them at all this season and they're fierce as hell!" At least, that's what I always find myself saying. I'm just so done with seeing/hearing people who can't sing. Like these people in auditions who say that their whole town is behind them, or half their school comes to support them, or their families are their number 1 fans and they are just absolutely horrendous (as Simon might say). Someone needs to stop lying to these kids, it's just rude to have your son/daughter devote their lives to something they will never succeed at. Parents should try to point them in other directions. I'm all for trying things out, but if you don't got it...you don't got it. That's just how it is with singing. You have to start with a natural ability and I just think some of these kids/adults are either tone deaf or extremely deluded. Can they hear themselves? Some of them are obviously a joke, but there are some who are convinced they are the next american idol and it's just pathetic. There are some awesome people on American Idol though and that show is a great spring board for some people's careers so that's cool. People who are talented deserve to have that talent seen.

So I'm extremely excited to work on this research paper for English now that I actually have a topic. We had to come up with a personal theory that we believe in, and I found mine: Facebook is the new way of stalking (or somewhere along those lines). It's so true. Think of how many people you add on facebook that you don't actually know...that might not even be a picture of them and they could lie about their age or sex and constantly watch your status changes until you state exactly where you're going and they can find you. How creepy is that? I'm going to delve into cases where it's led to that or even just harassment. Facebook is definitely a tool that made stalking incredibly easy. No matter how many privacy settings they implement, it still depends on how naive the user is and that could put them at risk. Who knows, I might end up deleting my facebook after what I find. AH how will I stay in contact with anyone? lol

I have to go get real work done. But hey, it didn't take me a month to write another blog so yay me :)

Bloop, bleep.

How do people see you?



Are you a jock, a bad boy, a rich popular girl, a geek, the weirdo? I was thinking about that today. Personally, I don't even know what I would stereotype myself as. I'm not rich, nor am I that popular. Popular in the sense of having a bunch of friends because I find that most of the "popular" people have friends that aren't really their friends, its more about quantity than quality. I would much rather have a few close friends who I can count on than a shit ton of random acquaintances. Am I a geek because I sometimes like to learn? Does a jock mean that you play a sport or you play a bunch of sports or does it simply mean you're athletic? I certainly do weird things at times, so am I a weirdo? I've asked people what they thought of me before they even met me, and most of the time they say, "Oh I thought you were a bitch." 1) That's just plain rude to make that assumption without talking/hanging out/getting to know someone. 2) None of them could explain why, they just said "I don't know, I just did." What kind of answer is that, how can you base anything off of it? I don't know what to do to change that assumption people have about me either, I mean, it's not like they gave me much to work with. But I would like to correct that sooner rather than later. I just don't understand how that could be the first impression I give. That just kind of erks me.

You know what's really hard? Not wearing your emotions on your face. My mom would always tell me, "Aja you better watch your eyes" because apparently you can tell exactly what I'm thinking by looking at my eyes? People know when I'm irritated, or sad, or excited, or lying because I cannot keep a straight face for the life of me. It's just really difficult. And most of the time, I don't even realize I'm doing it. If I hear a wrong note, or smell a bad smell, or try to tell a fib, I make a face about it even if I try not to. I envy people who can keep a stone face when someone is trying to make them laugh, but then again, that's kind of mean. You could confuse the hell out of people because they don't know what you're feeling. I guess it's a blessing and a curse?

This blog's really random. I'm terrible at keeping up with this. I don't want it to just be about things that irritate me and I feel like that's what it's turned into. Complain, complain, complain. Anyone who reads it will think I'm a big complainer. I don't like to complain about things to other people though because I think it's annoying when people complain to me. So maybe this is just my outlet for all of my frustrations? Who knows...let me try to think of something positive to write about.

AHA! I'm in the middle of a showcase right now where the freshman musical majors sing. I realized that our class really is fierce. We have a ton of talented kids in it and I think this showcase really does, well, showcase that. I know that a lot of us will go extremely far and hopefully I'll get to work in a show on Broadway with them someday. People are of course bashing other people's songs and acting choices and voices because what would musical theatre be without trash talk? I mean, there are songs that are "boring" but the songs themselves are genuine and I think all of them have something to say. Although during the rehearsal process I would get extremely annoyed with people's lack of focus and care for the whole showcase, I am extremely happy with the finished product and can't wait to open this weekend.

Whoo, go positivity :)